Noon News Bulletin

…along with your dead mice treats:


To whom it most concerns: Have you ever thought that someone might find it disgusting to be smothered by the odor of catbox while waiting in line to eat at Burton? I won’t mention the fact that it’s stupid to go to the trouble of having a catbox anyways; they can be trained to go outside just like dogs. Not having mentioned that, I would like to mention the fact that I sure wish you would move that catbox someplace where it won’t bother a lot of people. How about underneath your pillow?

-Rick Lorenzen


June 1975: For Sale – power hooka, used Winter / Spring terms…


Strayed: The “Silent Giant” air pump and the external filter assembly being used on the aquarium in Olin Lobby were both removed between January 20 & 21 without our knowledge. We can’t continue to maintain aquaria there without this kind of equipment and we would like it returned. Biology Department.


frosh are so young, so disoriented, so ignorant…


I am getting really tired of all this shit about big sisters, secret sisters, etc. For “frosh” like myself, the atmosphere at Carleton is pervaded by this notion that “frosh” are so young, so disoriented, and so ignorant that they need this kind of condescending helpful attitude, besides the official structure of RA’s, SA’s, faculty advisors, etc. After one year, poof! you’re an upperclassman and accepted with social ease. When are you going to realize that thoughts and aims are somewhat similar and that “freshman” is a meaningless label?


“if he were to speak with soph men who had secret sisses last year….”


As a co-organizer of the Big Sister and the secret si programs, I can’t help but reply to Chuck Palmer’s attack. I’m sure that if he were to speak with soph men who had secret sisses last year, he would find more appreciative, positive response than anything else. Several guys have voiced their disappointment at not having had secret sisses in past years.

I am a sophomore who was very glad to have a secret sis as a freshman, as were many of my friends. Those who didn’t have sisses, felt left out. Many of us were disappointed about the cancellation of the Big Sister program when Women’s League died out; hence the independent re-institution of the program. These programs are not intended as a device to label a group as “young, disoriented, and ignorant.”

They simply provide a harmless opportunity for friendships across class lines and between dorms which would likely not have occurred otherwise because of lack of contact through classes, etc. These encounters almost invariably bring about mutual benefit to both parties involved. It is unfortunate that that one person appoint himself spokesman for a class of which he is clearly not representative.

No one is forcing Chuck to have a secret sis. It could easily be arranged that he not have one, without depriving those of us who thrive on a little human kindness of the benefits of the program.

-Anita Cowles

Tab, Coke, Sprite, White Zin, Grainbelt…

The social policy committee, in an attempt to determine the appropriateness of public consumption of alcohol on college property, would actively solicit expressions of community attitude concerning the consumption of alcohol in college dining halls. The committee is presently in the process of revising college policy in this area, and feels that it cannot accurately consider the possibility of sanctioning the consumption of alcohol in public dining areas without giving ample opportunity for objections to such a policy revision to be expressed.

All community members are invited to register with Mrs. Witman in the dean of students office no later that 5 p.m. Thursday any written response either in favor of or in objection to a revision of college policy which would permit the consumption of alcoholic beverages in college dining halls. Questions? Suggestions? please feel free to contact me at X314.

-Edward Liebow

Social Policy Committee


“We request your aid in asking outsiders to leave.”

Tonight following the Homecoming Coronation, Bonfire, and Snake Dance, there will be an All School Party on Mai Fete Island. The refreshments will be beer and apple cider. This is the first time a party of this type has been planned and officially sanctioned on campus. The relative success of this event has great ramifications for future parties on campus and for the revision of campus policies in regard to public drinking policy. We must take every conceivable precaution to guarantee a safe, controlled, successful event.

There are three specific areas of concern. First, although we don’t anticipate any problems, things can get out of hand when large crowds get together. We want to confine the party to Mai Fete Island and the area immediately surrounding the bonfire. We ask your cooperation in being alert to this situation and helping with its control.

Second, state law requires that anyone consuming beer be at least 18 years old. We can’t change the law and must comply with it. Hence, we will require everyone to have an ID to prove their age.

Finally, the party is a Carleton function funded by the students of Carleton. We need everyone’s help in insuring that only Carleton students, faculty, and staff attend. We request your aid in asking outsiders to leave. We are looking forward to a great Homecoming weekend and hope that your are, too.

-Bob Rhoda
on behalf of the 1973 Homecoming Committee

Honors in Comps for Sarcasm

Once again I am amazed at the caliber of some fellow Carleton students. I am astounded. The intelligent young men of whom I write are those that eject water filled projectiles from the roof of Davis dormitory onto the peons who dare to scamper about below. I really think it’s hilarious.

It’s so much fun to hit someone on any part of his body and see the balloon break, drenching him in water. Whee! I only ask that the honorable practice continue, so that I will never need to question the sheer masculinity of those handsome, virile Carleton men!

-one unworthy peon

featuring “Ruby and the Dykes”

==Tired of retching to “Lance”? Sick of “Conquest’s” somnambulant strains? Got the “Bourgeoise Blues” Blues?

Then get back to the roots, to the original horse shit campus band – “Terry and the Thunderbirds”, featuring “Ruby and the Dykes”.

Friday, May 24 at 9:30 in Sayles Hill.


This month the campus MIME troupe will perform “Captain Kangaroo” putting his large 6″ inch key ring on the hook, then some witty repartee with Mr. Moose.

IMPORTANT: I made the mistake of leaving the Watson master key in the 5th Watson kitchen on Thurs., Jan 9. If it is not found and returned in a couple of days, all the locks in Watson will have to be changed, at a cost of $700 – $1100. $100 or $200 of this will come out of my pocket, and for this reason I am offering a $10 reward for anyone who finds the key and returns it. 

It is easily recognized by the large (6 in. diameter) ring which it is connected to. Contact me at X408 or the Dean of Students Office at X464.

Rocky Chrastil

Creeping Naderism or just “getting the shaft?”

Ordinarily I don’t think faculty should take sides in disputes between students and administration but the Watson elevators case cries out for comment. The DOS justification for the gross suffering caused Watson residents – who probably arrive at the dorm already exhausted from an arduous trek from the library or even the men’s gym – on the ground of potential injury or death to someone falling down an open shaft is creeping Naderism at its most vicious.

If people don’t have the sense to see if a car is there before stepping in, no amount of paternalism is going to save them from the pitfalls of modern technological society and they might as well flame out now. As for the implied beliefs of the DOS that users of community equipment should be responsible for its upkeep or even that people should accept the consequences of their actions – such attitudes have no place in a free society.

Lauren Soth

I seem to recall it was in the shape of a horse…

The long-lost Davis wooden cart has been discovered skulking by the Musser service entrance. Come and get it!


macrocomic \mak’-cro-com’-ik\ adj 1] grossly funny 2] excessively funny 3] laughable in big way

A printer’s slip-up caused a noticeable error in last week’s ‘tonian. In the candidate section, Lisa Gleicher’s and Bob Vogel’s pictures were switched. A typesetting error (this one was our fault) in Theo Foreman’s statement caused macrocosmic to read macrocomic, altering his meaning radically.

The tonian apologizes for these errors.


While sitting in the lotus position…

Lester Strouse will give his Oral Comp talk on “Transcendental Numbers” at 3:10 p.m. in Goodsell 104.


Final Smelt Fry:

== 4th and Final Bill Wickesberg Smelt Fry – Saturday 8:30 til whenever at Goodhue. Get your tickets in advance.


“because some people like to sit on flag poles, I like to bounce on a trampoline and I understand you have the best one in town…”

== Each yr. President Swearer has 2 students live at his house in a double. Any current sophomore or junior who is interested in living there should send his or her name to Bucky Zeitz by Wed. May 21.

Please include a sentence or two stating why you wish to live there. This option is open to any sophomore or junior whether or not you went through room draw.


“Excuse me miss, but do you have change for a dollar?”

== Condoms are available for Carleton Students in the Women’s Center (First Nourse Lounge). A contribution of 75 cents is asked in order to repay Dr. Jerome, who purchased them for Carleton students.


P.S. I have this professional wrestler buddy of mine…

==OK – you win. It’s a deal and I’ll take a chance. Contact me sometime about the specifics of the switch – but do it soon, huh?

Oh – one more thing. If you guys don’t have the watch, the quality of my mercy will be very, very strained

— Hillsman.

Yes we will, but not until you can get 10 strangers to pronounce your last name correctly…


Many faculty and students who work and study in Scoville and students living in Burton, Severance, and Davis are absolutely fed up with being disturbed by blaring stereos! Their rights are clearly being violated by people who obviously do not understand or appreciate the fact that no one in this community has a right under any circumstances to infringe upon the rights of another person. I appeal to your intelligence and sensitivity to your fellow man. Won’t you please turn down your stereos?

Bill Svrluga

Hey, that wasn’t grape juice, that was MD 20/20!

Did you ever wonder why so many notes appear in the NNB asking for students not work in food service?

This note is on behalf of those students who work carts in the dishroom (known as the scully). There was a previous note concerning various “messages” written on the trays in pudding and jello; most were comments on the quality of the food. It was pointed out that we have nothing to do with the food, and that all complaints should be directed to the various heads of SAGA. It seems to have worked, because no other “messages” have appeared. Because of this encouragement, I am writing this note, in hope that it will help as well.

Most of the present problems have probably resulted in because people are unaware of the hassles of working carts. However, many of the trays we clean are clearly malicious attempts –to what?!? This I can’t answer.

We don’t really want to believe students here are pigs, but when we get conglomerations of oatmeal, toast, jelly, egg yolk, cereal, and milk, or Shepard’s pie, pudding, jello, potato chips, hot dog (with the usual mustard, catsup, and relish) and cigarette butts and ashes all smosshed together and artfully plastered to the tray, plates, glasses and cups or cleverly used to glue the dishes to the tray, we begin to wonder not only how some people acquired such barnyard habits, but whether or not they have truly lost their sanity!! (Today we named the most original tray violent violet – violent because it looked like some one had suffered a very violent upheaval after having drunk grape juice on top of blueberry pancakes.)

Needless to say, if one has already eaten, it is very hard to keep it down. If not, it is virtually impossible to even look at the food, let alone eat it.

We aren’t asking for miracles, just a little consideration.

Steve Parker

Psychology 24: Psychological Methods.
Measurement, experimental design, and the statistical treatment of data. Prerequisite: Psychology 10, Mathematics 15 and Basic Bicycle Repair 10.

WANT TO TRADE a Schwinn varsity bicycle (old needs repair) for help in Psychology 24.

contact Les Strouse X 315.

Would that be “Mr. Knock-knock,” the pet wood pecker you carry around on your shoulder?

Note to the person who pulled the Musser Fire alarm Tuesday night: Some night there’ll be a knock on your door and there will be a guy standing there who will shoot your pecker off. Then you’ll have about 5 minutes to stand there thinking about what life’s going to be like without your pecker and then he’s going to blow a hole in your guts and say “Nobody fucks with Paul Lazzaro!!!!”

Love and kisses, the Second Musser friends of Paul Lazzaro. (11/24/1972)

Event #1 in the series: fix my Schwinn varsity bicycle.


I am starting a drive here at Carleton to get none other than The Kinks to play. All bands listed by the SAC suck. The Kinks are great. If interested, get in contact with me and we’ll initiate a series of events. 


“…people are so uptight about liberation, booking or just cooling it that they have lost their sense of humor.”  ( – or their willingness to be humiliated…)

What is it with the frosh this year? It seems they came here with the intention of resisting every attempt which might “mark” them as freshmen.

First, the ever-popular sight of green beanies – adding color to the campus, joy to the hearts of upperclassmen, and spirit and unity to the frosh class — did not materialize.

So how could there have been a Green Cap Mixer with associated water sports? Then Hell Week was cancelled.  And sincere dedication to “Liberty, Justice…” compelled the girls to boycott the auction.

Now the latest — Homecoming “Ceremonies.” Is it that the Class of ’75 felt it beneath them to perform in traditional manner during halftime? Instead, the few that showed up on the field proceeded to attack the Pep Band, nearly succeeding in ruining the Band’s performance — one of the last few campus activities which is not intellectual, serious, or rational.

So many people – not only freshmen – seem to think they’ve outgrown “juvenile traditions.” I’m sure all of them are so concerned about matters of world importance all the time that they can’t be bothered about useless frivolities. Or is it false sophistication?

It’s too bad that people are so uptight about liberation, booking, or just cooling it that they have lost their sense of humor. Carleton will be a really great place when we finally get rid of the few remaining traditions and diversions. I sure as hell don’t want to be here. 

-by Marty Fuhr